Are you a Traitor or a Faithful?
Updated: Feb 1
By Ali Robson – Co-Founder ReFresh Coaching
Published on January 7, 2025
The latest BBC series of The Traitors got underway last week. It’s a game (yes, a game) filled with the psyche of the human race and it got me thinking…
The human mind is full of complex maps and pathways that even the most experienced neurosurgeon is still exploring and discovering new things about.
The brain is the last of the frontiers, even more so than space and the galaxy. We are complex and unique products of our brains and the perceptions we have from our past experiences.
It is so interesting to see how the games are playing out inside the castle and the thinking that people are putting onto the various "tells".
And yet, they keep getting it wrong. One by one, faithful participants are being banished or being "murdered" by the Traitors.
The only traitor they have managed to catch so far, was more through luck than sound evidence and judgement.
It’s fascinating how the herd mentality is playing such a huge role within the group and yet all the players at one point or another has stated on camera how good they are at "reading other people" and "making their own mind up" about things, and no, they "won’t be led by anyone", they will "play their own game" etc. etc. It’s fascinating.
And uncomfortable.
Watching the Faithfuls try and investigate who is a traitor, based on a blink, a sigh, a twitch, a move, a moment, a word, is frighteningly similar to how we treat ourselves in real life.
We do something on instinct that turns out to be a wrong decision or doesn’t result in the outcome we wanted, and we “murder” our belief in ourselves.
We say something wrong or at an inappropriate moment and we label ourselves as a prat, a dickhead, a stupid idiot – you name it, you’ve probably called yourself it.
We are so quick to believe these narratives, that before you know it, we are playing along with it and joining in the hyperbole.
The fact we can be seen as traitors or Faithfuls by other people is irrelevant as we cannot control what other people say, think, feel or do.
We can control, however, how we react and respond. Why is it then we can be such traitors to ourselves?
The wonderful Mel Robbins, in her recent book "The Let Them Theory" has summed this up perfectly.
She has realised that we are all 8-year-old children in grown-up bodies, who have yet to understand how to properly train and navigate our emotions and emotional responses.
We have an inner narrative about how people perceive us, or how they are reacting or responding to something we said, did, or didn’t do.
We make things up based on the "evidence" and then create a whole story about how it is going to pan out.
This whole narrative is based on our own, unique perspective and experience and how we would respond if the same thing happened to us.
Unfortunately, this leads us to expect the same values, views and morals in others as you have.
When someone doesn’t live up to that or offers a different perspective, we consider that as a slur against us and our beliefs, and therefore as a personal attack on us.
Our instinct is then to fight or flight – we either attack back or retreat into ourselves
If we took a step back and watched this unfold as a viewer of the Traitors, we would see how the insecurities, lack of confidence, diverse beliefs and single, miniscule nuances create a warped, yet bigger unfolding picture.
Before you know it, there are whispers, rumours, concerns and personal opinions that become "facts" or "evidence".
This is then discussed by the tribe at the round table and the heated debates ensue.
As viewers, we watch these unfold in utter disbelief at the narrow-mindedness of some, the sharp defence of others, the frustrations that people aren’t being listened to or believed.
And we revel in it, as we all have the same thoughts and behaviours on display in our own lives.
Which leads me to wonder how so many of those behaviours are made up by me, about me and towards me?
Surely I should believe in myself? Of all people, I should be my biggest cheerleader, my biggest fan and the source of my own confidence.
So why do I find myself questioning myself, doubting myself and downing myself time and time again?
I’m no traitor, but I’m being led to believe I am – by me.
So my January mission is to banish traitor me and bring in the faithful me, the confident, the trustworthy and the all-seeking me.
I challenge you to do the same.
So again, I ask you. Are you a Traitor or are you Faithful?
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